I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
