You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
