Porn is love you can see.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
