I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
