There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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