took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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