you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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