I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
