You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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