I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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