So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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