Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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