Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm too high and old for this...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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