What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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