Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
