I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
