Non-Jews are for practice
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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