Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
