You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize