I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
