She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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