Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize