'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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