I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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