Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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