why im i the only drunk person in the library?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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