Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
