discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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