Im at strip club and am horny
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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