so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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