if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
