I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
