I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
