I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
