I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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