I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
