I got chris browned last night
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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