he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Boobs are out for the taking
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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