And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
