I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
