I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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