if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
