Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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