She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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