Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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