my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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