I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
