you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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