We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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