he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
