I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
