trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
