Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
