i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
