Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
