...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
