we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
