so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
