Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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