Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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