I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize