He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
