so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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