Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
