We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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