I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize