I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
