When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
