Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
