I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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