Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
