Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize