Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You were trust falling into bushes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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