I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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