we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
