I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
