can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
