dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
