I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
