I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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