After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
