yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
