why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
