Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
