We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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