I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
