so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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