so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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