Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
