By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
