she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
