its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
