dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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