Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
