Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
