oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
