I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
