Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
