my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
