i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
