I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
