he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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