Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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