I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
