I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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