She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
